You may have been told you're "just a really nice person". You're the one who says yes before checking your diary. Who apologises when someone else bumps into you. Who can sense a change in someone's mood from across the room and has already started adjusting before anyone has said a word. People describe this as kindness, and sometimes it is. But if saying no makes your stomach drop, if you rehearse messages for an hour to make sure they won't upset anyone, or if you feel st

“Be kinder to yourself” is advice I give fairly often. I also think it’s advice we sometimes misunderstand. Self-compassion has become associated with slowing down, giving yourself grace, lowering expectations and accepting that you’re doing your best. All of those things can be important, particularly if you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, neurodivergent, living with chronic illness or have spent years speaking to yourself in a way you would never dream of speaking to another per

You get the job. The promotion. The qualification. Someone tells you that you did something brilliantly. For about twelve seconds, you feel pleased. Then another voice appears. They’ve overestimated me.I got lucky.Someone else would have done this better.Eventually they’re going to realise I’m not actually as good as they think I am. Meanwhile, there may be quite a lot of evidence suggesting that you do, in fact, know what you’re doing. Qualifications. Experience. Positive fe